on happiness

Junior year is definitely different from the past two years — less classes, more extracurriculars — which is a good change. Not only that, but it almost feels new — not having someone always with me, to stand on my own two feet again, to rely only on myself.

Fortunately though, I don’t feel lonely much. I don’t go out with friends as often as I used to or as often as I’d like, but I keep myself busy. and happy. I think that’s what really matters.

A friend once told me that no one else can make me feel happy other than myself, and that I was lucky to even have a significant other to make me happy as well. And it’s so true. I’ve been, still am, and will always be grateful to all my friends and ex-es who’ve made my lives just so much more cheerful, even if it were just for those very moments.

It didn’t hit me until now, junior year, for me to realize/experience that. As silly as it may sound, it just didn’t occur to me that I didn’t need others to make me happy. Throughout this semester, I’ve let go of grudges, stopped worrying, forgave others — and I was happier overall. And sometimes, I’d just act happy for the sake of everyone else (especially while working at Pi Cafe) and end up happy myself.

I realized there’s no need to get myself so worked up over anything (though I’m still working on being less easily annoyed). In the end, everything will fall into place. It always has; why should it be any different?

I’m really thankful for this semester. It may not be as fun as freshman year and I may be not as perky, but it’s taught me how to be independent and happy. Now even doing the tiniest things, like tidying up my room and the kitchen or completing homework assignments, make me genuinely happy. And I love the feeling. I just wish everyone saw the world more optimistically, too.

imapaneindabut 9:02 pm
you’ve been so…..happy lately
what’s up with that?
you’re not allowed to be cheery
>O

Or you know.. my brain could just be releasing an unusual amount of endorphins. :)

End of Sophomore Year

I can’t believe it’s really over. Sophomore year went by so quickly.. much more quickly than I had ever wanted or expected.

The friends I have made this year have become my dearest and closest, but they also happen to be the ones I might not ever see again. Mandy, who’s going back to HK, is off to encounter wonderful things waiting for her. Anand is actually going into the real-life world in Chicago. Beth is going to Boston for research. Shannah’s still choosing between two awesome grad schools. And Eric.. my dearest Eric is traveling to North Carolina to complete a PhD degree in Duke.

They were my housemates — housemates who have warmly accepted me into their home for the entire year. Housemates who have kept me company at 2 in the morning when I had nothing to do the next day, housemates who cooked for me, housemates who helped me out whenever I needed a hand. They were friends who never asked for or expected anything back.

..And I can’t believe I’m losing them.

It’s so difficult to believe that it’s over, that I won’t be seeing them again next fall. It’s so unfair that I got so close to them this year just to have them be taken away from me. It’s almost like starting freshman year all over again, except this time it’s more awkward to sit and eat with a random stranger.

Seeing Mandy leave broke my heart, as I realized I won’t be seeing her nor the rest of my housemates again — at least, not for a very, very long time. One would think that it’d feel even worse to be a senior, leaving a place you called home for 4 years to somewhere foreign and even scary. But as a rising junior, they’re also leaving me, home alone, which suddenly makes the campus so frighteningly un-homey and cold. It’s not the same without them — not being able to see Beth in Shanklin or Anand and Manda passing by or feeling the security of Eric’s arm sitting around my waist. Campus just doesn’t have the same feeling.

Nonetheless, I wish the best for them. I know they’ll all do great things.

Congratulations class of ‘09, especially to my dearest housemates and friends. You hold a special place in my heart — my closest friends who have lived under the same roof my entire sophomore year of college — and will never be forgotten. Thank you guys for everything, and for the best sophomore year one could ever ask for.